Comments on: XOR

By: Jin

Jin — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 06:01:02 +0000

@Dmitry, thanks for the comment. I remember being amazed at how some commenters on your blog talk about function vs. form in a black or white way. That’s something I see a lot when I read design discussions. I think you handled it very well.

By: Dmitry

Dmitry — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 20:21:31 +0000

There is a latin saying — ”ira furor brevis est” — which just means that anger is a brief moment of insanity. Getting angry in arguments is pointless because all you’re doing is wasting your own energy and looking like a fool.

The best way to approach arguments is to look at them as dialectic — or a way to combine both people’s knowledge through propositions and counter-arguments to arrive at a conclusion satisfactory to both. When I argue, I’m only doing it to increase my own knowledge, so in a way, the process is used to pull out facts and knowledge out of the other person and then combine it with your own to see if your position still makes sense. It’s educational rather than confrontational.

Arguments for the sake of winning are useless since you’re not actually learning anything — just wasting time and energy. Of course, getting a good quality discussion out of somebody is not always possible — some people will just argue their position and won’t even listen to you. But then — it’s only their nature — getting angry about it is the last thing you should do :)

By: Jin

Jin — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 03:14:31 +0000

@Bryan, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with arguing, debating at all. It’s just matter of how we go about it. It’s very possible even after putting yourself in others’ positions, your opinion won’t change a bit. But the point to try, regardless.

@Charlie, I believe there’s a time to agree to disagree, especially when it comes to some of the issues you mentioned. Btw, I hear ya on the wife thing. If you ever find a solution, let me know…

@Michael, thank you.

@Victor, work place is the best place to learn, but it’s also the place we tend to hide our insecurity sometimes. I’ve learned a great deal from my current and past coworkers. Thank you for your view from a team leader’s pov. My wife agrees with you on your last paragraph, I think she’s hinting something…

By: Victor

Victor — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 01:44:53 +0000

Great post Jin. Humility truely is the key to many things in life. He who is wise enough to know they know nothing will one day know it all.

As a Team Lead of 10 developers I’m constantly reminding them that individually we are really ingnorant, but when we come together as a team with an attitude of true humility, and are able to lower our pride and defenses just long enough to ask for help, only then will we really become smarter and wiser than before.

Same is true of relationships, especially marriage. So many times I assume I’m wiser or smarter than my wife, only to find out after much pain that she really does know better than me.

By: Michael

Michael — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 23:50:18 +0000

Great Blog Jin,

By: Charlie

Charlie — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:22:51 +0000

Great read. I agree completely with putting yourself in the other person’s shoes to see their side. I try hard to do this, but I don’t think it is always possible for you to do. There is a big obstacles to being the gray in an argument, emotion and passion. How passionate you are about the topic can lead to higher emotions which will never let you stand on their side of things. Abortion, gay rights, etc are prime examples of this and why they cannot be solved imo.

I use this argument in reverse with my wife. I tell her to stop for a second, and think about what she is saying from my perspective. This usually just pisses her off more, but I swear I will get it to work one day!

By: Bryan Chain

Bryan Chain — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:05:28 +0000

Wow. It is really nice to see you get back to some non-design related stuff. Your timing on this post is very relevant in my own life as I am currently working toward sucking up my pride on a major life issue and for the first time actually attempting to avoid an argument I know I would win.

You are on target here in your Causes, Harms, and Fixes to these issues.

The hard part, is actually breaking your old habits and learning to just bite your tongue sometimes.